Avoid these mistakes in a tough conversation
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Today’s Tip
Avoid These Mistakes in a Tough Conversation
Difficult conversations are difficult for a reason, and when you’re anxious or stressed out, it’s easy to say the wrong thing. To keep the interaction from going sideways, avoid these common mistakes.
1. Don’t assume your perspective is obvious. Steer clear of phrases like “clearly,” “obviously,” or “without a doubt,” which are likely to insult your counterpart.
2. Don’t exaggerate. Skip any statements that start with “You always…” or “You never…” They’re rarely true.
3. Don’t challenge someone’s character or integrity. You’ll just make the person defensive if you tell them they're “unprofessional,” “wrong,” or “unethical."
4. Don’t tell others what they should do. People feel judged by “should” statements. Try saying “You might consider...,” “One possibility is...,” or “Have you thought of...?” instead.
5. Don’t say “It’s not personal.” Recognize that even when it's not personal to you, it might be for the other person.
This tip is adapted from “Words and Phrases to Avoid in a Difficult Conversation<https://hbr.org/2021/06/words-and-phrases-to-avoid-in-a-difficult-conversation?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter_daily&utm_campaign=mtod_actsubs&utm_content=signinnudge,”> by James R. Detert
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Today’s Tip
Avoid These Mistakes in a Tough Conversation
Difficult conversations are difficult for a reason, and when you’re anxious or stressed out, it’s easy to say the wrong thing. To keep the interaction from going sideways, avoid these common mistakes.
1. Don’t assume your perspective is obvious. Steer clear of phrases like “clearly,” “obviously,” or “without a doubt,” which are likely to insult your counterpart.
2. Don’t exaggerate. Skip any statements that start with “You always…” or “You never…” They’re rarely true.
3. Don’t challenge someone’s character or integrity. You’ll just make the person defensive if you tell them they're “unprofessional,” “wrong,” or “unethical."
4. Don’t tell others what they should do. People feel judged by “should” statements. Try saying “You might consider...,” “One possibility is...,” or “Have you thought of...?” instead.
5. Don’t say “It’s not personal.” Recognize that even when it's not personal to you, it might be for the other person.
This tip is adapted from “Words and Phrases to Avoid in a Difficult Conversation<https://hbr.org/2021/06/words-and-phrases-to-avoid-in-a-difficult-conversation?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter_daily&utm_campaign=mtod_actsubs&utm_content=signinnudge,”> by James R. Detert
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Subscribers have access to editor-curated lists — all the articles we think you should read next.
Browse HBR Reading Lists <https://hbr.org/reading-lists?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter_daily&utm_campaign=mtod_actsubs&utm_content=signinnudge&utm_term=subben_buyeracq_nsubarticle&utm_content=signinnudge>
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Four concrete actions leaders can take.
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