CSTE LEAD 2021-2022

Do you hate your boss?

Here's how to deal.
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TL;DR: Bad bosses are common, but there are ways to manage.
[Eggs fighting over a crown]<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf86f&s=7-zX6chcPZu8SnNDVK9Jb9Qyh6EsG8mjeTNjGKy0IL0>
Do you hate your boss?<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf870&s=t1M4qqV7BT36e257qkY4gpJ_6SeycUOY5X2mWvnrjgo>
[Paige Cohen]<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf871&s=yHfJT8KZuCs2jnadtgi9XBc8Coc49lb7lSCQm6fpCLo>
Paige Cohen
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I have some good news and some bad news for you today. Most people like to hear the bad news first, and since I can’t ask you directly, let’s just start there.

At some point in your life, you’re going to have a horrible boss. It’s just a matter of what type of horrible boss you’ll get.

For instance, you may end up with a babysitter boss<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf874&s=UJJPyjLMVFqtQClzm0ZVNJn55_z4MaYmmYtz7bMdYak,> who constantly oversteps, checks in way too often, and hovers over your every move. They tell themselves that they are helping you out, that you simply aren’t ready to handle this or that assignment on your own. But in reality, they are probably just anxious<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf875&s=Soz1Y1Vjh8C26EHuuAEF3rDplDFZXdcIdBKgM5PKqpc> and need to maintain a sense of control by micromanaging.

Sounds like a bummer, right? At least they have good intentions. I would choose the babysitter over the gaslighter any day.

The gaslighter is the classic example of the toxic boss. You’ve probably seen them in a variety of Hollywood films<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf876&s=3aMhV3dnfxI8ueSbEWzvWdCjbgRybDWXIjPCWUOsVTk.> In the words of our author, Mary Abbajay<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf877&s=_sOOu39_f_3uESD0vXDWmTBu0noXm-zUAWNCaXS9_XM,> “While it is easy to spot toxic leaders who scream, bully, and abuse publicly, gaslighting behavior is much more covert. Gaslighters know how to fly under the radar. They are adept at undermining an employee’s self-esteem, confidence, and sense of reality in subtle, sneaky, and hard-to-prove ways.”

There’s also:

* The passive aggressive<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf878&s=DW5g04g1tuMIv5dGhtzdFyNlHwDo0STAK3g1KzCfrXM> boss (ugh)
* The badass boss<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf879&s=OlsqQJr_VbPO2hNVTwOI5t7aEdxfawr99pL_5F46jUE> (who you at once admire, want to be, and fear)
* The perfectionist boss<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf87a&s=2VFB1QeWLBaEIVliobsH3eczzG0dPwwF-oyomGJ1l_o> (aka Miranda Priestly)
* The shadow figure boss<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf87b&s=vjI-gXhsXcuoTaub1CJ9oIiRapKZh_HSPYrBrTG6atQ> (never present, yet somehow, always watching)
The list goes on.

Now for the good news: You are also going to have some great bosses throughout your career. And when you do end up with a horrible boss, know that (1) you are not alone and (2) there are a lot of tools you can use to create distance, cope, and manage your situation and your mental health<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf87c&s=02NjYfjp8LVd9R4_GrAUwai2sSqR47oMDlYKfEFT8gE.>

That’s what this week’s letter is all about.
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How to deal with different kinds of bad bosses…
[How to Deal with a Jealous Manager]<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf880&s=hggOmExNgyJi85Qfzt8kw7lgWrU24MTKAZu3kEM4xIQ>
How to Deal with a Jealous Manager<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf881&s=rS3Xy14OBCWyycdW3iP9qbUo5m0PTJt1j9-SCzVnuMA>
Envy is a totally human feeling — we have all experienced it. But what if your boss is the person who is throwing that emotion your way? We have a few tips.
Read more <https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf882&s=rU2nUBlOiG2s2ep2ImReqYGrFJPqZwbuVZJIcqoHuTg>

[Ask an Expert: What Should I Do If My Boss Is Gaslighting Me?]<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf883&s=qUgxT4Ar_DGK374tn51cuwTqYzCLg42IT-GDDJVB_nY>
Ask an Expert: What Should I Do If My Boss Is Gaslighting Me?<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf884&s=oh-CeXkHj_zgyh4R8eaEmVAkj2ui5tE95SyuWaEeoHk>
It can feel impossible to succeed at your job when you have a boss who actively undermines your accomplishments, diminishes your self-esteem, and blocks your opportunities. In a perfect world, you could pack up and go. But right now, when many of us feel lucky to have a job, you might not have the financial freedom to leave. So, what should you do?
Read more <https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf885&s=vJFd88wNUcKY4FxqCTkx2FEaVQCwvqQMAPdQ51dwv8c>

[The Right Way to Give Negative Feedback to Your Manager]<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf886&s=7_zsc2VNRIlthUoH_EGqZN5ZAIjObmHAqAt_JUFi_0I>
The Right Way to Give Negative Feedback to Your Manager<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf887&s=1l4rkcl-zpxBuNklgbiJr2M9d9pHTCjqzPCWxuBHB4U>
Giving negative feedback, especially to someone with more power than you, takes a lot of courage. Try taking these steps to get started — they can help you deal with a variety of bad boss situations.
Read more <https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf888&s=1w4uoexiU5Cl_mZ7NiHQuYhOYmxERr85_Z1xxl60VYE>

Now for the fun stuff...
[Books and headphones]<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf889&s=aJ1Zx6nMbWXrMTxcK20SpL6Oz8gErsXjs1DPWro2h5c>
Whenever I’m feeling anxious or stressed out — from work or life — I like to listen to Milo Axelrod describe rocks<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf88a&s=yY1euN5sujUL4tSvnonC_hhmXJod-EJGeastDnVTO9A.> In her podcast, the host, Milo, literally describes rocks she’s come across throughout her life. I discovered it a few years ago, and I’m pretty sure it’s retired at this point, but I still revisit the episodes to feel a sense of calm when the day gets hectic.

If you’re not into stories about rocks, here is a list of other calming podcasts<https://t.a.email.hbr.org/r/?id=h74b4ffe6%2Cdacf86c%2Cdacf88b&s=Me6LtUEQlQxYye5kGomGxirsDHZXyVgLNk3O0TGJMrk> to check out.
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